Triemli Spital, Abteilung M, Zurich

Where are you when you get lunch in bed and the guy lying across from you gets up to pee in a bedpan ? The hospital. A life-threatening, daunting, chilling-to-the-bone injury led me to enjoy hospitality at the Triemli hospital. Keep in mind I’m male, so I might be overstating the nature of my hospitalisation ever so slightly. If I may offer one word of advice, during the pre-op consultation with the chief resident doctor you shouldn’t ask question about the WiFi availability or the quality of the food, they oddly seem not qualified to answer those. You should however focus on medical related topics, which I had omitted to do so and was in for some surprises…

Lying around all day and feeling generally miserable, food becomes even more important than otherwise. Shortly put, it was bad. I’ve eaten better in the boy scouts or the army, two places not typically featured by the Guide Michelin. The pizzocheri were dry and the greens badly wilted, the pork lunch was chewy, the pea shoots overcooked it fulfilled every cliche of hospital food you could imagine. Even the mixed salad was unimaginative, with a factory groove and served with industrial sauce. I was relieved that I only had to spend the night, any long-term sick person has my true sympathies. Then again maybe that’s the plan. If the food were great, you might be inclined to stick around longer than you should. I have come to the conclusion that mediocre food is something the health insurers are actually pushing for. Devoid of any epicurian thrills, my highlight of my hospital visit was that I could seek out the bathroom unassisted and managed to watch Star Wars in the machete order (turned out to be a grossly overrated movie collection).