Anna’s Best, Near a Migros, Zurich

Well sometimes life sucks and your favorite food critic broke his wrist playing indoor football. I would like to point out how I bravely drove myself to the emergency room on a scooter without flinching. Infrastructure at the Unispital Zürich is superb! After the paperwork droves of competent doctors and nurses took me to an X-Ray and CT scan to discover I had a “distale nicht-dislozierte, intraartikulärer Radiusfraktur”. It felt weird having to ask the non-native german speaking doctor what every word meant, but it translated to “I’m really brave & tough and only my natural high level of testosterone have prevented me from worse, others in my situation would have needed their last blessing”.

I’d also like to apologize to another food blogger with a broken wrist I wrote an email to about two days earlier asking if she types the capital letters in her mails by using one hand for the SHIFT key and her nose for the actual letter… I now know how crappy typing with one hand is. But it gets worse… none of my wimpy friends is willing to hold an onion while I chop it into beautiful small dices at a blindingly fast pace with my good hand.

So… What does one do if you can’t cook ? You walk into Migros and you go to the dreaded conveniene food section. Migros features Anna’s Best and if Anna’s cooking her best it must be high quality ingredients prepared with love especially if the claim is “Einfach gut essen” (just good food). I open a Gerstensuppe and add some Schweinswuerstli into a pan, am quick to ignite the gas with one hand and wait for it to get some temperature. I’ll cut to the chase, it was abysmal. Texturally it was closer to milk pudding (Milchreis), taste was weak, lacking power and flavor and weird little white dots were sprinkled throughout the soup. Anna is either little liar or has other talents which make up for her complete lack of cooking skill. My ordeal has been prolonged by this horrible soup, all life has been sucked out of my soul and has turned me into a miserable, moping human being.

In my misery I started researching. The Migros bylaws (Statuten) clearly lay down the binding values of Migros. It says

3a) vermittelt die Migros der Bevölkerung preiswerte Waren und Dienstleistungen von guter Qualität
3e) fördert die Migros die Gesundheit der Bevölkerung.

How is selling bad convenience food containing corn starch and Xanthan helping the well being of the population or how could such a bad soup be classified as “good quality”… Dutti would be angry at Anna!!! And I am planning on speaking at the next General Assembly for getting Migros back on track and dumping Anna. Next text is going to be about Betty.